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best jokes!!!
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the National Anthem started.......the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts" And the patients complied by standing up.
After the anthem ...he yelled, "Down Nuts". And they all sat back down in their seats.
After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts". They all broke out into applause and cheered.
When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts!!!" and they all started booing and cat calling.
Thinking things were going very well, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
When he returned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, the doctor asked," What in the world happened? "
The assistant replied, "Well, everything was going just fine untill a vendor passed by and yelled PEANUTS!"
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It was entertainment night at the senior center and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
"$H+T!", said the Hypnotist.
It took three days to clean up the senior center
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