AFTER I purchased my pickup truck, I bought a book on gasoline engines to avoid being ripped off at the service station. The first time I took the truck in for repairs, I smugly wrote down what the problem was and what needed to be fixed. That night, when I returned for the truck, I found this note attached to the windshield: "I fixed the problem in your truck, but in order for me to fix the problem you described, you'll have to bring in the lawn mower. I suggest you go back a couple of chapters. My wife has the same book."
ONE of my first assignments as a trainee in an auto shop was a car needing a new fender and some door repairs. I spent hours doing a perfect job, but when the owner came to pick it up, he wasn't pleased. "What's wrong?" I asked. Pointing to the side of the car, he complained about the paint not matching, uneven gaps between panels, and a host of other problems. He demanded an explanation. "The repairs I made," I noted, "were to the other side."
WHEN the fan belt wore out on his car, my friend Steve used a little old fashioned ingenuity and replaced it with a pair of his wife's panty hose. Unaware of this repair job, she drove off to get gas, and asked the service station attendant to check the oil. He did. And as he came back to her window he seemed to have trouble not laughing. "Oil's fine," he managed to get out. "But it looks like you need to change your panty hose!"
One hand on wheel, one hand holding Tim Hortins coffee, singing your favorate song following a snow plow:
Any place in Canada
One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York
One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago
One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston
One hand on wheel, one hand in pants, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California*
*with gun in lap: L.A.
Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy
One hand on Latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle
One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window: Texas city male
One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road: Texas country male
One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment: Texas female
Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another's car: Colorado
One hand on steering, yelling obscenities, the other hand a waving gun out the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for landmarks along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any bullets that didn't hit other motorists so as not to litter: Colorado resident on spotting a car with Texas plates.
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I had to read it twice. But, I LMAO'd
I think I might be looking too deep for the joke...
