There was this car that was driving very slowly down the highway. A State Trooper pulls it over. "What have I done wrong, officer?" the driver asks.
"You are going 26mph on a major highway. There is a law against that," the officer says to the driver. "You must go at least 50mph."
"But when I turned on the highway, the sign said 26!" the driver replies.
"HA HA HA!" The officer laughs out loud. "That is because this is Interstate 26! The 26 isn't the speed limit!"
The driver leans back in her car seat and the cop sees another woman sitting beside her. She looked as pale as a ghost.
"What happened to her?" the officer asks.
"I don't know, but she has been that way ever since we got off of interstate 160."
A man in a Jaguar passed a Mini that had broken down by the side of the road. Being a kindly driver, he stopped and fixed a tow-rope to it and began towing it to the nearest garage.
After 10 minutes of towing, a Porsche passed them at high speed. The Jaguar driver was not going to be outdone by a Porsche, so, forgetting that he had a Mini in tow, slammed his foot down and the Jaguar and Porsche indulged in a high-speed race down the road, the Mini and it's occupant trailing wildly about at the end of the rope frantically trying to attract their attention and failing.
Soon after a Police car saw them and gave chase. The Police driver radioed back to Headquarters "Sarge, you'll never believe this, I've just seen a Porsche and a Jaguar neck and neck doing 150 mph - and a bloke in a Mini flashing his lights, blowing his horn and trying to overtake them!"
This football player just got himself this new Merc SL65AMG and he is cruising around town. As he pulls up to the light he sees a civic that is all jerking and reving its engine like crazy. He stops next to that car, looks at the driver. Driver of civic looks at him with a wild, daring expression on his face and continues reving his engine, his car is jerking forward.
The football player figures that the guy in the civic wants to race, so he focuses on the light, when the light turns green he rockets away in the cloud of tire smoke. As he looks in his rear view mirror he notices that the guy in the civic still stands at the light...and his car is jerking.
Football player gets kind of pissed, so he drives around back to the light. As he pulls up to the light civic keeps jerking forward with its engine periodically reving.
Football player rolls down his passenger window and asks a guy in the civic:
(FP): Hey man! Whats up with you ? I thought you wanted to race !
(Civic Guy): *civic guy with gangsta tone* I would smoke you fool, but I got my rear tire stuck on the piece of chewing gum and I can't get it loose !
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the radio that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 280. Please be careful!"
Herman replys, "It's not just one car sweetie, it's hundreds of them!"
Mid Month Car Acronyms
ACURA:
* Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
* Asia's Curse Upon Rural America
AMC:
* All Makes Combined
* A Major Cost
* A Mutated Car
* A Morons Car
* Another Major Catastrophe
* A Man's Car
* A Miss Conception
* All Muscle Car
* All Most Car
* Annoying Mechanics Constantly
* Automotive Mental Cruelty
AUDI:
* Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
* Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
* Automobile Under Demonic Influence
* Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
* Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence
* Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc.
* All Unnecessary Devices Installed
Last edited by H_Type : 10-28-09 at 23:49.
Reason: spulling
A blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a body shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, ...
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