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Sorry, but I couldn't help but laugh over her actions on Myspace... :lol:Like
"Oh NOES!!!!! She lowered my friend rating and keeps changing her status11!!!!11. "

Are you serious? :lol:

Move on buddy, if she has so many trust issues where as a 41 year old you work with is grounds for such worry and mis-trust... then I dont think the relationship is strong enough to "weather turbulant seas".
If would either end on the grounds it did, or something else, but I dont think you guys (or at least her in particular) are at a mature enough stage to maintain a growing, working relationship.
She sounds like she hasn't matured much since the day you guys first met.
Maybe I'm wrong, but for a 21 year old, her (overall) actions are none other then sad & childish.
 

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i just read ur post man and decided to reply without reading everyone elses posts/advice first (cbf lol) so sorry if im saying something that sum1 else already has.


I got in my car and left my parents and sister behind with no warning, and drove out here to Arizona to be with a girl I had never met before.
for that alone, such a massive leap of faith (or naivete), she should worship u for ever. u gave up everything for her n if thats not enough then what is?

(she is VERY jealous. And I don't mean "talking" like showing interest. I mean even a 40 year old female at work that I have to work with. She had a very severe trust issue developing toward the end).
ummm wow. jealousy in relationships usually come from either a deep-rooted insecurity, or the fact that they are hiding something similar to what they are barring u from doing, because its at the fore-front of their minds.

I never cheated on her, but I lied to her about something repeatedly that I shouldnt have.

Well, she told me that they were just friends, and she had no feelings for him before we broke up. She lied to me a couple weeks ago for the first time ever (that I know of, but Im pretty sure) about hanging out with him, because she said she thought I would get mad, and she just wanted to catch up with him, because she hasnt seen him since I got out here. Well she has been spending A LOT of time with him since we broke up over the weekend. Now she tells me she has kissed him (nothing else) and that feelings might be developing.
feelings dont just spring up out of nowhere, if she is 'getting involved' with him now, there was definitely a spark (at least!) between them for a while. so im pretty sure shes been lying to u for a while man. IMO she was just waiting for u to fuck up (even in the slightest) so that she wudnt feel bad bout dumping u and being with him (coincidence that he broke up with his gf too at around the same time?), not to mention it happened almost immediately after u broke up.
she was pissed that u lied to her and that u were even talking to a woman at work, while she was hiding from u that she was meeting up with this anthony guy who is her own age! dude! what a hypocritical bitch!

She went on her Myspace, and moved me to way down at the end of her list on her friends to number 80 something out of 102, took all our pictures off of there, changed her "About Me" info to preclude me, changed her status to single...etc.
uhh shes acting like shes 14..

She wants to make sure that Im the only one for her, and that she cant do better.
WTF.. tell me u dont c anything wrong with that?!

My dad is very sick. I left my family with barely even a goodbye, and have only seen them 3 times in the past 2 and a half years. My dad doesnt have much time left, and Im considering moving back home when I get my taxes back.
tbh, u really dogged out ur family. for a chick. and ur dad is sick. sorry but u shud grow a conscience and get home to ur family asap.

I know that when I do this, there will be no chance for us. The last 3 years seems pointless if I do that. She doesnt want me to leave, because Ive told her the idea has crossed my mind, and she gets upset.
u dont really have a chance now anyway, look at it as cutting ur losses. she doesnt want u to leave cos shes an insecure and manipulative bitch (tough to swallow i know) who wants u at her beck and call when anthonys not around or if theyve had a fight. u are entertainment. dont let this continue to happen.

So what should I do? Im seriously contemplating going back home and being with my family while I still can.
im going to be brutally honest. the downside of being with the one person since, i dno, forever, is that u are oblivious to the tricks of some women (the not so great ones).
u were with a jealous and very controlling person. she was also very clingy im guessing. she was also a hypocrite. and immature. she moved on very, very quickly, and wants u to feel guilty about the breakup so that she sleeps better at night. you did nothing wrong. from what i can tell, u are a great guy who is very loyal (i can tell u now id never go to the lengths u did to keep her happy) and YOU deserve better.
most of the time, relationships are a power struggle, whether u realize it or not. the one who cares less, has the upper hand. it really is that simple.
what i think u shud do...
DONT be rude about it, and dont be overly emotional either. tell her that your father is really sick and that being with him is your first priority (it had better be!), and that ur leaving in say, a week, or two. say that you are sorry things didnt work out between you but you enjoyed your time spent with her, and that you wish her to be happy with anthony (very hard to do i know, but try - over the fone is easier, maybe practice before hand? seriously). say that if she wants to see u before u leave its up to her, because its likely u arent coming back.

THAT^^^^^ will instantly give u the upper hand and if she cares about u AT ALL, she will be compelled to come and see u, if not try to reignite ur relationship (trust me, its counterintuitive but it works). after that call, DO NOT try to contact her at all. DONT!



DONT!

.... just wait for her to do it herself. if she doesnt, then she couldnt give two shits about u leaving.
to make u feel better, look at your relationship in the longterm.. can u imagine living out your whole adult life being controlled and not being allowed to TALK to other women? that is very, very unhealthy. that kind of pressure and distrust eats away at a relationship over time.

go and be with your father, because if you dont, and he passes away, i can guarantee that you will EPICALLY regret it. more than leaving some idiot ex-gf. THEN you will really know true sorrow and regret.

good luck.
 

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Stealth, thats got to be some of the best advice ive heard.
 

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I read the first half and it's the same old story man. Don't get me wrong, it sucks to go through this but it happens to people all the time. If she couldn't trust you from the beginning then that should have been the sign to not get too serious with her. Oh and this "friend" of hers she says she didn't talk to or hang out with before is bull [shizzle]. When couples have to start lying to each other about what they are doing so to not "upset" one another is when the relationship is not so healthy. It didn't take her long to start talking to him and hanging out with...did it?

Just move on man, don't be angry or too upset about it, just don't make the same mistakes again.

Naveen
I'll be honest too, I got halfway through and then stopped reading. Every line is the same old shit guys or girls feed one another when they break up. I'm sorry dude, but it seems like this is the best for you. You probably won't believe it, and probably do all you can to try and salvage the relationship and you will be depressed. In the end though, she will be with him, and you will be on your own. You don't need a ridiculous jealous girlfriend who is going to flip over you talking to a 41 year old girl you work with. This kind of stuff you need to try and find out early in a relationship, seeing exactly what type of person they are before you take things further. To be honest, I think you're better off. And while everyone telling you that, and telling you that things will get better isn't going to change your mind it's the truth. Best thing you can do is get together with your friends (if you have any true friends out where you live now) and get out there and start meeting new females. Force yourself to do it even though you may not want to. Do it even if you plan on trying to salvage things with her, just force yourself to. Once you start getting back in the game, learning some, and having some fun, you'll realize there are plenty more compatible girls for you out there.

EDIT: I didn't really get into the fact that her saying she was just friends with him and wanting to catch up with him was bs. I then realized after reading stealth's post that you haven't really been around enough girls to realize this. It was a lie. When you said you realized things were going downhill, this was the fact that in her mind she had already decided she wanted to be with someone else. That someone else is him. Her flipping a shit over the 41 year old was just a scapegoat to get out of the relationship and try and put the blame on you, typical move even though you'll believe she's different from the rest. You need to take a look back at these past 3 years and try and look at it from the point of view of you looking at a friends relationship and not be blinded by your feelings. I think you'll find some pretty obvious bs along the way, and realize how much of a jealous controlling person she is.


PS. Go back and visit your dad. Your dad is more important to you than this girl will ever be, and if he is dying as you say, you need to go spend time with him. Things will not work between you two. There is a chance that you may get back after she gets over her fun with him, but you two will only break up again. You need to realize this is a very common theme when it comes to a girl breaking up with a guy. You need to realize its over and time to move on. I think the best thing you can do now is accept that and spend the time you can with your father. You'll be glad you did years from now. Don't let some girl ruin the chances of you seeing your dad now, you will regret it for the rest of your life, especially after you find the next one.
 

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Discussion Starter #26
Ive read every one of these posts, and theyre all very good advise. I hate to admit it, but you guys saying that she probably wanted out of the relationship a long time ago and was just trying to place the blame on me so she can sleep better at night makes sense, in fact someone else said the same thing. It hurts to think about it, but I can see it. I honestly dont think that she has been cheating on me with this guy. You can say Im in denial, but thats not why I say it. I say it because we were very close. We talked all the time, and saw each other when we could (she works and goes to ASU full time) I dont see how she had time to sneak around behind my back. Maybe toward the very end (the last couple weeks) as we stopped talking as much and we never saw each other some type of feelings may have blossomed between them, but I dont think it was any sooner. I could probably pin point the day she started falling for him. Ill bet it was the night that she lied to me about seeing him. She supposedly felt bad about lying to me, and thats why she told me. She says they were just talking about our relationship and his relationship and how much she loves me but she is unhappy with me, and swore up and down that nothing derogatory was said about me on either part, and that nothing happened that I wouldnt like. She really isnt the type to lie to me. I dont want to make her out to be a bitch like I did in my first post. Yes, she definitely can be, but all females can. When we werent arguing she was the sweetest girl I had ever met, and she had a great personality. I definitely think her trust issues were due to personal insecurity.

Once again, maybe im just in denial and im stupid for thinking she was so honest, but thats just the person I knew and fell in love with. Tonight I tried to tell her that I was sorry for everything, and that I wished her the best, and I told her that I dont know why I didnt listen to her sooner and try harder to make her happy, but I thought that our love would keep us together forever, and that there was no danger to our relationship. Her response to that was basically "No you just thought that I would never be strong enough to leave your cheap stupid ass but I finally was, and I'm fine with it". Sounds like the typical fights we always had where she said some pretty harsh things and blamed everything on me. I know she didnt mean it deep down inside, and was just speaking out of anger, but what she said next really hurt me. I basically asked her if she was even upset that we can never work out and that she even cared that what we wanted for so long can never be, and she told me that she sees our relationship as a good learning experience, but nothing more. So essentially she is telling me that our history means nothing to her, and that she is relieved that its finally over. I dont know if this was just out of anger, because she was always the type to speak like that when she was mad, but either way, from that point, I texted her one time and said "I cant believe that we dont mean anything to you anymore. That breaks my heart. We werent always happy but ill never look at us as a waste of time. I guess all I have left now is just to be happy for you. I know you dont care and I dont blame you but I am sorry. Please try to believe that someday."

From that moment on, I decided to just let her go. Shes going to do what she wants anyway, whether its realize she made a mistake or go out and jump into a relationship with this guy. Whatever she chooses, it hurts like hell, but Im just burned out on worrying about it. Ill wait until her anger subsides and she has had some time away from me, and then see where her attitude goes from there. Once she has had some time to calm down, if she still has the same mentality and attitude, then fuck her, she isnt worth putting my life on hold for. If she makes a drastic change, lets say best case scenario she tells me she made a mistake and nohting happened with Anthony and she wants to start over, then I seriously dont think I would take her back judging by what I know and the good advice im getting, but at least itll give me some closure which is waht I really want at this point.

Maybe its just the fact that Im tired of caring when she doesnt, but at this point I feel im handling this okay. It hurts like hell, and when I think about her I get quiet and start to feel like shit again, but Im going to go out riding this Sunday with the woman that she basically left me for and her family, and then another coworker wants to go to a restaurant where his sister works and introduce me. I think ill be alright. Im not happy by any means, and it will take some time, but we'll see how tonight goes. Maybe I can get through the night without waking up at 6 in the morning and not being able to go back to sleep. Funny thing is, she seems so hateful toward me, and blames this whole situation on me, but she still texts me from time to time. :shrug: She texted me after work and told me to listen to a song that reminded her of me that was playing on the radio (a few hours after our whole conversation which I quoted above).

Thanks for the advice anyway. Ill let everyone know how it goes, and so far I havent read a piece of advice that hasnt made me feel better. I think if I kept all this inside and didnt talk to people I would still be laying in bed right now feeling sorry for myself
 

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Stealth, thats got to be some of the best advice ive heard.
thanks, my psych major had to come in useful someday :p j/k

everyones got something like this in their past, major life changes/events help shape who u are by the way that u deal with them.

When we werent arguing she was the sweetest girl I had ever met, and she had a great personality. I definitely think her trust issues were due to personal insecurity..
no-one is all bad :). im sure she has a really great side to her, but people do strange things like that because of some inner turmoil. nothings ever black and white. i feel for her almost as much as i do for u man, theres probably something very deep-seeded and perhaps painful that either shaped her to be this kind of person or is currently going on inside her mind :(. guess thats y shes unhappy, but blames u.

Im going to go out riding this Sunday with the woman that she basically left me for and her family, and then another coworker wants to go to a restaurant where his sister works and introduce me.
sounds like fun! dont think of it as immediately moving on, i.e. hooking in straightaway etc, just being yourself around other women will really have a positive effect on its own.
good luck man, and stay strong! cant wait to hear how it all goes :)



[/Dr. Phil lol]
 

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+1 for older women. Things like this are why I hate women. I'm not even kidding, in the last 2 months I've begun to really fucking hate women. For the most part they are despicable creatures that provide nothing but frustration. I don't see having a vagina as a reason that I should be nice to anyone, it's not even like they earned it. I'll give women the benefit of doubt when I first meet them, but as soon as I see that they are a typical woman, they're done. The kind of woman that will go out behind your back and make something innocent on your part an excuse for her? Inexcusable. You deserve much better than that, as most men do. Despite how much I absolutely detest the opposite sex, I will probably marry the first girl that proves me wrong, which sounds like the kind of girl you need too.

Seriously, don't play the lovey-dovey i miss you game with this girl. Call her out, tell her exactly what was said in this thread. She will know it's true and she will feel like shit. It doesn't matter what she says or if she denies it, girls are deceptive creatures that will point to an apple and tell a man that's in love with them that it's an orange and he will believe her. I say you make it a goal to slip one "you know what? you're fucking unbelievable" into each string of texts or phone call that you have with her for the next month.
 

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Wonder if my psych major will ever come in handy...

as odd as this sounds, i cant stand most women. I hate the games, and all the crap. I struggle to find a female i can trust, because the last few i did trust stabbed me in the back. Ive always found it easier to be mates with males because they are less dramatic about everything. Seriously. the one female im currently friends with is annoying the hell outta me. And some of the shit she is doing...its disgusting.Most of the girls i know, are matets girlfriends.

But it seems its wrong as a female to want a simple non soap opera, trustworthy relationship. Tho i guess thats not simple. I jsut reallly erally hate peoople who play games.
 

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most of us have been there bud... i had the same thing with a gf that i had for 2.5 years... (actually met her online too.... )

but there were trust issues.. and it epically failed... it happens...

the couple months after the breakup were the hardest... but then we were ably to talk and hang out again as friends.. and that was awesome.

but i think everyone else has already said it... its a new beginning... it sucks... but its probably for the best. Get drunk... hit the strip clubs... and work on your car... lol... now that you have more free time...

we're all in there together bud... you'll make it
 

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She was 12, you were 15... that's odd by itself. . . but whatever. At least you were states away.

She's now 21, which is the kiss of death to nearly every relationship unless you are also 21/22. My ex was 21 when I was 24. I was pretty much done with the drinking/party scene which she was just getting in to. By the time she was 22, we were broken up after being together for 4 years.

Also, same ex, "kissed" about 4 other guys in the few breaks we had. By kissed, I mean both blew and had sex with every one of them (most without a bag, that's how classy she actually was). Don't expect yours is any better. She's obviously wanting the attention of Anthony and has probably at least gone down on him. If she "doesn't do that" (and not just doesn't do it to you, but doesn't do it as a rule because "it's gross") then she's absolutely had sex with him.

I swore after that one not to go with someone younger (more than a year or two anyway) since I was still looking for that long term relationship... but here I am now with a different girl for coming up on 5 years and she's now 23 and a half and I'm coming up on 29 next month. Well, things are going pretty well. The relationship survived her being 21 without cheating on me or bitching (much) about me not wanting to get drunk all the time or clubbing. Now we live together in a house I bought (and she contributes 50% of the bills right now because she wants to). Things are going pretty well, so who knows, maybe she's the one I'll eventually propose to.

Anyway, words to live by that my dad gave me when I was around 23 and saw I wasn't happy with my relationship with my ex. "Don't settle".

Hope my past will help you realize that things can get better.
I stopped reading at this:

"I met a girl named Marcy on the internet in an AOL chat room 9 years ago when i was 15 and she was 12"

the other details don't matter.. the only thing i know (and need to know) is that you met some chick named marcy on aol.. and now you're broken up.

best thing that ever happened to you man. rejoice and be merry.
As GC said, rejoice. If you can't do that, then you must an hero.
 

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It's gonna suck for a while, you're not going to get over it right away, but take people up on their offers for getting you out, and just try and make it suck less. Good to see you are sort of seeing the light even though you still seem in denial a bit. +1 for going for an older woman. I realized a lot of drama I dealt with was because I was dealing with younger girls. They are good to have some fun with, that's about it. And fastest is right about the age 21 being a deal breaker for most relationships. Time to go out and mingle, meet some new girls, even just start talking to some females to get your mind off stuff. Don't jump right into another relationship, just have fun for a while, then start looking for a girl closer to your age. Chances are you will have much less bs to deal with.
 

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Go home to your family. If she comes after you, fine. If not, well, you'll know what's the deal and move on.

But most importantly, go home to your family.
 

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This is still a valid option if you still want answers. I'm going to find as many threads as possible in which this picture is applicable.

 

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^^^^depends on whether you want the truth or not.
 

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therein lies the rub, adie!

how do you know when a woman is lying?

her mouth is moving. :X :X :X
 

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well if thats how guys think, i might as well come up with the most outrageous crap i can think of....


MX-6's are awesome!!!

haha
 

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