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Tech Support! Dont ya just love it?...Not
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.

4. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his bathtub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "Bad and an invalid." The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer." The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button.

Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse...

8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen.

When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"

9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in..."

The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" implied removing Disk 1 first.

10. A story from a Novell NetWare SysOp:

CALLER: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
TECH: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
CALLER: "The cup holder on my PC is broken -and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
TECH: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
CALLER: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
TECH: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
CALLER: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and it had snapped it off the drive.

11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under windows."

The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine."

12. And last but not least:

TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."

CUSTOMER: "I don't have a 'P'".
TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"
TECH SUPPORT: “‘P’ on your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that!"

 

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some people are really hopeless, they really are
 

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Do you knows whats funny when it says press "any key" it doesn't do anything if u suew Ctrl or Alt lol thats not any key :p they should just say space bar as some keyboards say enter others return

Good jokes i like em an i was in Tech support lol the coffee cup in the cdrom actually happens :(
 

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so? ive used the cd drive as a cup holder heaps of times :p
i know someone who modified it so that it pops out a support bit like the real cup holders do in cars :p obviously he wasnt using for cds

but yeah, some ppl are really helpless when it comes to tech. and not even high or middle tech :p
 

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Hmm. I'm now a tech for "Bigpong" ADSL. The true depth of sheer stupidity out there, is something beyond belief. Sometimes I think, that's it - that's the stupidest person I've ever dealt with. But then the next caller will lower that bar just that little bit more.... A few days ago, a caller complained loudly that they couldn't send or receive email. I wanted to create a test email, but the customer couldn't find the 'create mail' icon in Outlook Express. After 3-4 minutes checking 'view' settings for outlook express's toolbar, and getting nowhere, yes you guessed it - he was using Microsoft Word... Why do people buy computers and pay through the nose for ADSL, when they simply don't have the basic knowledge to do even basic tasks on their systems. Stupidity should be outlawed.
 

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NiN^_^NiN said:
Do you knows whats funny when it says press "any key" it doesn't do anything if u suew Ctrl or Alt lol thats not any key :p they should just say space bar as some keyboards say enter others return

Good jokes i like em an i was in Tech support lol the coffee cup in the cdrom actually happens :(
Yes, but almost all keyboards are devoid of a "Space" label on the spacebar.

Maybe they should say "press any non-control key" ... so they choose a number or a letter.
 

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1989MX6 said:
Hmm. I'm now a tech for "Bigpong" ADSL. The true depth of sheer stupidity out there, is something beyond belief. Sometimes I think, that's it - that's the stupidest person I've ever dealt with. But then the next caller will lower that bar just that little bit more.... A few days ago, a caller complained loudly that they couldn't send or receive email. I wanted to create a test email, but the customer couldn't find the 'create mail' icon in Outlook Express. After 3-4 minutes checking 'view' settings for outlook express's toolbar, and getting nowhere, yes you guessed it - he was using Microsoft Word... Why do people buy computers and pay through the nose for ADSL, when they simply don't have the basic knowledge to do even basic tasks on their systems. Stupidity should be outlawed.
Especially when you pay Telstra!

I find that when I deal with Internet companies I generally do ok. Recent call about Bigpond Cable went something like this...

BP - "How may I help you?"
Me - "Hi, we had a massive storm last night, and now the cable modem can't connect to your server. The status / send / receive lights just don't work. I can ping the modem, but not your gateway. I need a tech to come check the lines, as they have probably got water in the them from the rain'.
BP - "Ok, sounds about right. You did try to turn the modem on and off first?"
Me - "Yes"
BP - "Ok, give me the details and we'll get a tech out"

Mind you, that took about 5 days, so I didn't have cable for that long... but still, wasn't too bad. Turns out, the connection at the road was a foot deep in water and the previous tech thought it was a good idea to place the cable under the big chunk of concreate that covers the hole....
 
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